I wanted to share some things going on in my life lately. First, most people probably know that I love reading. I really enjoy reading, a whole lot and I have since I learned to when I was 4. However...I am going to be reading a WHOLE lot this semester, especially early on. I have 5 books each for 2 of my classes, 4 for another, and 3/2/1 for the others. It adds up to a total of 20 books. I will be reading 100% of all of these books except my giant history textbook, because the time period we're covering is only the last 2/3 of the book. So that's nice at least.
But this semester I'm more nervous about being able to do my schoolwork than I can remember being for any of my previous semesters. Looking at my schedule, with working and reading and homework, I'm like...can I really do all this? I've been busy and worked hard the past 3 years, but I've never truly been overwhelmed. I don't think I've ever felt like I can't do it. It feels like...real life. I'm in an apartment and I can make real dinner and I have things under a bathroom cabinet and a towel rack. Sorry...I'm so impressed by the awesomeness of not having to hang my wet towel off the end of my bed and keep food in my desk drawer. I don't even have to use a shower caddy. I'm like a real adult in a real apartment. But anyways, for my Gospel and Culture, the capstone for my Intercultural Studies classes, I have to write a 20-25 page paper and give a 15-minute presentation on it, like 'journal quality'. It's...legit. I don't know, it's just weird to think about being a real adult, having jobs that feel more real (a Research Assistant in the Christian Ministries department and doing office work in the cafe). I wear nice clothes, not my Facilities t-shirt and gross jeans.
Also, I really like the word awesome. This summer, I started an unofficial list in my head. It's called "People Who Are More Awesome than Me." I like to think that I am awesome, so it's just recognizing people I know and how/why they are more awesome than me, whether in general or at something specific. Yesterday, I had a 'you are more awesome than me' moment with my roommate Raeleen. She'd come in the apartment and wanted to turn the air colder and I didn't. I was pretty short with her and frustrated because I'm generally cold in our apartment. Anyways, she was going to turn it down and we talked and disagreed and then she went in her room. She came back to mine a few minutes later and asked me to forgive her for being insensitive. I was like...crap...I was a jerk. You are more awesome than me. I'm not good about asking for forgiveness. I know the Christian life isn't about comparisons at all, but it's more of a recognition of my shortcomings and things that I need to improve in. So now the lost of people who are more awesome than me has 3 people. It's still growing though; Raeleen's the only one from Biola who's made it on yet. The first two are from my church in AZ, Liz and Tiffany. Ugh. It's only going to get longer as I continue to recognize that I am not actually that awesome, I'm so imperfect. I don't like being overwhelmed and not very awesome.
The other thing I'm thinking about currently is how much I like Stuff Christians Like. Whether you read it or not, it is great. A lot of it really funny, and generally true. I really like that Jon Acuff, the author, is actually a Christian, like me. There was a blog a while ago called Stuff Christian Culture Likes, but it was a lot more sarcastic and mocking. Jon Acuff is super funny and comments on the culture that he is a part of and on himself a a pastor's kid. You should read it. It's my favorite. But some days, I'll read one that's like...a punch in the face. Yesterday I read a post about God's feelings regarding my 'comfort zone.' I really like my comfort zone, where I don't have to interact with people much and I can think I'm really awesome. It's like the colliding of thinking about the real world and realizing how much more awesome than me so many people are in seeing my comfort zone and realizing that God doesn't really like my comfort zone or want to give me the things that I selfishly want. It's...ridiculous. I wish I could know things and explain things and believe that I'm a good person living in a good world, but I don't really think that's true. Here's Jon Acuff's interpretation of God's reaction to my comfort zone:
"I don’t like your ‘comfort zone.’ For one thing, it’s something you create and you also turn to me less when you’re in your comfort zone. I want you out of your comfort zone. I want you dependent on me and if to do that I have to pull you out of your comfort zone, then I will. I am the only one that can create true comfort. I am the only one that can give you that gift. You are powerless to be truly comfortable outside of me. The adventure I am calling you to will not be comfortable by your definition of the word."
Vaya con Dios.
No comments:
Post a Comment