I was going to post a blog last night, but I was way too tired so I wasn't making sense and I was sharing way too much. Currently, I'm in a much better mood but still wanted to share since I haven't blogged all summer. This summer, I've been going through a 12 week Bible study called Experiencing God (it's pretty great) and thinking a lot about 'my future.' I'm not sure why I put that in quotes but when I was writing that sentence in my head it seemed like it needed quotes. Anyways...I think I'm less confused than I was before this summer. So...he's what I know...
1. I want to make a difference. This is still too self-focused, but I'm working on that still.
2. I love working with kids and teens and things I read about American culture and about teenage girls breaks my heart every time, the same as seeing pictures of starving kids on TV (referred to as 'economic porn' by the director of my study abroad program last year)
3. I know that God has a plan and that my job in it is to join Him where He's already working, not seek this unique thing that I could do to make me a cooler person.
4. I look for 'signs' or whatever from God about my future plans. Like...the day that Rusty and I broke up I'd just read a chapter in Passion and Purity that confirmed what I'd been thinking about my, and Elisabeth Elliot's, decision to wait on God's timing. I've been looking into social work a lot because at a missions fair at Biola, there were a ton of booths set up for different organizations. I talked to a ton of people at a bunch of the tables, and the only thing that stood out or sounded like where I could/should go was social work. I tried to steal a pen from the table for Fuller Theological Seminary, but the woman at the table came over to talk to me and recommended against their Children at Risk program and said that a social work degree would be better. It was just weird, but God works in weird ways.
That's all I can think of, relating to my thoughts about my future. I love kids and teenagers and want to work with them for my career. I think I'd basically be content working in a daycare somewhere, but that's just me being lazy and not wanting to step out of my 'comfort zone.' Oh...I have something to add to my list...
5. I know that my idea of what my life will look like is nowhere near to God's idea. I'm not quite okay with this yet...I'd like to be able to map out my life and make definite plans rather than shrugging my shoulders when someone asks what I'm going to do after Biola. But my vague ideas and hopes aren't necessarily God's plans.
So...I'm still waiting. After almost 6 months of waiting and crying and hoping, I know a possible general direction and I'm just going from there. I'm taking the social work class at Biola this semester, as well as Peoples of Ethnic America and Adolescent Culture and Development. It should be really awesome. I'm really excited to live in the apartments on-campus.
Sometimes I feel like I've grown and changed a lot in the past few months, but at least part of that is just me hoping I have. I'm definitely in a better relationship with God, which is good. I can't think of how to end this, so I'm just going to end it like this.
Vaya con Dios.
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