I wanted to share some things going on in my life lately. First, most people probably know that I love reading. I really enjoy reading, a whole lot and I have since I learned to when I was 4. However...I am going to be reading a WHOLE lot this semester, especially early on. I have 5 books each for 2 of my classes, 4 for another, and 3/2/1 for the others. It adds up to a total of 20 books. I will be reading 100% of all of these books except my giant history textbook, because the time period we're covering is only the last 2/3 of the book. So that's nice at least.
But this semester I'm more nervous about being able to do my schoolwork than I can remember being for any of my previous semesters. Looking at my schedule, with working and reading and homework, I'm like...can I really do all this? I've been busy and worked hard the past 3 years, but I've never truly been overwhelmed. I don't think I've ever felt like I can't do it. It feels like...real life. I'm in an apartment and I can make real dinner and I have things under a bathroom cabinet and a towel rack. Sorry...I'm so impressed by the awesomeness of not having to hang my wet towel off the end of my bed and keep food in my desk drawer. I don't even have to use a shower caddy. I'm like a real adult in a real apartment. But anyways, for my Gospel and Culture, the capstone for my Intercultural Studies classes, I have to write a 20-25 page paper and give a 15-minute presentation on it, like 'journal quality'. It's...legit. I don't know, it's just weird to think about being a real adult, having jobs that feel more real (a Research Assistant in the Christian Ministries department and doing office work in the cafe). I wear nice clothes, not my Facilities t-shirt and gross jeans.
Also, I really like the word awesome. This summer, I started an unofficial list in my head. It's called "People Who Are More Awesome than Me." I like to think that I am awesome, so it's just recognizing people I know and how/why they are more awesome than me, whether in general or at something specific. Yesterday, I had a 'you are more awesome than me' moment with my roommate Raeleen. She'd come in the apartment and wanted to turn the air colder and I didn't. I was pretty short with her and frustrated because I'm generally cold in our apartment. Anyways, she was going to turn it down and we talked and disagreed and then she went in her room. She came back to mine a few minutes later and asked me to forgive her for being insensitive. I was like...crap...I was a jerk. You are more awesome than me. I'm not good about asking for forgiveness. I know the Christian life isn't about comparisons at all, but it's more of a recognition of my shortcomings and things that I need to improve in. So now the lost of people who are more awesome than me has 3 people. It's still growing though; Raeleen's the only one from Biola who's made it on yet. The first two are from my church in AZ, Liz and Tiffany. Ugh. It's only going to get longer as I continue to recognize that I am not actually that awesome, I'm so imperfect. I don't like being overwhelmed and not very awesome.
The other thing I'm thinking about currently is how much I like Stuff Christians Like. Whether you read it or not, it is great. A lot of it really funny, and generally true. I really like that Jon Acuff, the author, is actually a Christian, like me. There was a blog a while ago called Stuff Christian Culture Likes, but it was a lot more sarcastic and mocking. Jon Acuff is super funny and comments on the culture that he is a part of and on himself a a pastor's kid. You should read it. It's my favorite. But some days, I'll read one that's like...a punch in the face. Yesterday I read a post about God's feelings regarding my 'comfort zone.' I really like my comfort zone, where I don't have to interact with people much and I can think I'm really awesome. It's like the colliding of thinking about the real world and realizing how much more awesome than me so many people are in seeing my comfort zone and realizing that God doesn't really like my comfort zone or want to give me the things that I selfishly want. It's...ridiculous. I wish I could know things and explain things and believe that I'm a good person living in a good world, but I don't really think that's true. Here's Jon Acuff's interpretation of God's reaction to my comfort zone:
"I don’t like your ‘comfort zone.’ For one thing, it’s something you create and you also turn to me less when you’re in your comfort zone. I want you out of your comfort zone. I want you dependent on me and if to do that I have to pull you out of your comfort zone, then I will. I am the only one that can create true comfort. I am the only one that can give you that gift. You are powerless to be truly comfortable outside of me. The adventure I am calling you to will not be comfortable by your definition of the word."
Vaya con Dios.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
California girls, we're unforgettable.
I was going to post a blog last night, but I was way too tired so I wasn't making sense and I was sharing way too much. Currently, I'm in a much better mood but still wanted to share since I haven't blogged all summer. This summer, I've been going through a 12 week Bible study called Experiencing God (it's pretty great) and thinking a lot about 'my future.' I'm not sure why I put that in quotes but when I was writing that sentence in my head it seemed like it needed quotes. Anyways...I think I'm less confused than I was before this summer. So...he's what I know...
1. I want to make a difference. This is still too self-focused, but I'm working on that still.
2. I love working with kids and teens and things I read about American culture and about teenage girls breaks my heart every time, the same as seeing pictures of starving kids on TV (referred to as 'economic porn' by the director of my study abroad program last year)
3. I know that God has a plan and that my job in it is to join Him where He's already working, not seek this unique thing that I could do to make me a cooler person.
4. I look for 'signs' or whatever from God about my future plans. Like...the day that Rusty and I broke up I'd just read a chapter in Passion and Purity that confirmed what I'd been thinking about my, and Elisabeth Elliot's, decision to wait on God's timing. I've been looking into social work a lot because at a missions fair at Biola, there were a ton of booths set up for different organizations. I talked to a ton of people at a bunch of the tables, and the only thing that stood out or sounded like where I could/should go was social work. I tried to steal a pen from the table for Fuller Theological Seminary, but the woman at the table came over to talk to me and recommended against their Children at Risk program and said that a social work degree would be better. It was just weird, but God works in weird ways.
That's all I can think of, relating to my thoughts about my future. I love kids and teenagers and want to work with them for my career. I think I'd basically be content working in a daycare somewhere, but that's just me being lazy and not wanting to step out of my 'comfort zone.' Oh...I have something to add to my list...
5. I know that my idea of what my life will look like is nowhere near to God's idea. I'm not quite okay with this yet...I'd like to be able to map out my life and make definite plans rather than shrugging my shoulders when someone asks what I'm going to do after Biola. But my vague ideas and hopes aren't necessarily God's plans.
So...I'm still waiting. After almost 6 months of waiting and crying and hoping, I know a possible general direction and I'm just going from there. I'm taking the social work class at Biola this semester, as well as Peoples of Ethnic America and Adolescent Culture and Development. It should be really awesome. I'm really excited to live in the apartments on-campus.
Sometimes I feel like I've grown and changed a lot in the past few months, but at least part of that is just me hoping I have. I'm definitely in a better relationship with God, which is good. I can't think of how to end this, so I'm just going to end it like this.
Vaya con Dios.
1. I want to make a difference. This is still too self-focused, but I'm working on that still.
2. I love working with kids and teens and things I read about American culture and about teenage girls breaks my heart every time, the same as seeing pictures of starving kids on TV (referred to as 'economic porn' by the director of my study abroad program last year)
3. I know that God has a plan and that my job in it is to join Him where He's already working, not seek this unique thing that I could do to make me a cooler person.
4. I look for 'signs' or whatever from God about my future plans. Like...the day that Rusty and I broke up I'd just read a chapter in Passion and Purity that confirmed what I'd been thinking about my, and Elisabeth Elliot's, decision to wait on God's timing. I've been looking into social work a lot because at a missions fair at Biola, there were a ton of booths set up for different organizations. I talked to a ton of people at a bunch of the tables, and the only thing that stood out or sounded like where I could/should go was social work. I tried to steal a pen from the table for Fuller Theological Seminary, but the woman at the table came over to talk to me and recommended against their Children at Risk program and said that a social work degree would be better. It was just weird, but God works in weird ways.
That's all I can think of, relating to my thoughts about my future. I love kids and teenagers and want to work with them for my career. I think I'd basically be content working in a daycare somewhere, but that's just me being lazy and not wanting to step out of my 'comfort zone.' Oh...I have something to add to my list...
5. I know that my idea of what my life will look like is nowhere near to God's idea. I'm not quite okay with this yet...I'd like to be able to map out my life and make definite plans rather than shrugging my shoulders when someone asks what I'm going to do after Biola. But my vague ideas and hopes aren't necessarily God's plans.
So...I'm still waiting. After almost 6 months of waiting and crying and hoping, I know a possible general direction and I'm just going from there. I'm taking the social work class at Biola this semester, as well as Peoples of Ethnic America and Adolescent Culture and Development. It should be really awesome. I'm really excited to live in the apartments on-campus.
Sometimes I feel like I've grown and changed a lot in the past few months, but at least part of that is just me hoping I have. I'm definitely in a better relationship with God, which is good. I can't think of how to end this, so I'm just going to end it like this.
Vaya con Dios.
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