I want to graduate so badly. I'm having a hard time with this last semester and being...present, I guess. I think so much about the future, about living in AZ and finding a job and getting an apartment that I can't enjoy the time I have here and now. I feel like I no longer have any friends; I only really talk to my roommates and the people in my classes. It's like...well, I'm not going to be here in 4 months and you can't keep all your friends from college anyways, so why try? Sometimes, I am ridiculous.
I'm also basically incapable of doing homework. I'm typing and doing so well on a paper...and then suddenly I'm on Facebook and I don't even know how it happened. I tend to go for a reward system with myself and homework, like I get to get dinner after I finish this section or this assignment, I get to check Facebook, I get to watch The Office. It's pretty effective, except when the lazy part of my brain takes over and forcibly drags me away from doing homework without me realizing.
I really like Elisabeth Elliot. I wish we could have been friends. Except she would not approve of my laziness.
Um...I don't really have anything else to say. I'm bored. And sleepy. Too tired for homework (obviously) but not tired enough for sleep. I'll go read instead.
Vaya con Dios.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
And so each step she’s taking is a step of faith toward who she’ll be
I don't want to only blog when I'm all melancholy and lame. This is about my life and my life has the valleys, but the mountains too and I've been doing pretty good lately. I got to go home this past weekend and it was super awesome. I got to see and hang out with my family a lot and also with my friends at home. My sister told me that I need to find a man RIGHT NOW and even wanted to pick up a guy off the street for me. My two best friends are both engaged now which is super exciting. Me and Becky talked about things for her bridal shower and bachelorette party, both of which are going to be so excellent since I'll probably be planning and such. On a side note, Firefox does not think that 'bachelorette' is a word. What's up with that?
Anyways, hmmm...life life life. Life right now is a lot of homework and interning. I'm at a group home about 20 minutes from my school and it's awesome and frustrating and challenging and great. I like going and I love the kids, but kids who've been neglected for the majority of their lives tend to act out more and act more immaturely than they should. I like most of the staff, but adjusting to three different staff groups with different opinions about me and what my role is can be confusing.
God is great too. I don't like the valley part of life and such, but learning the lesson is so great. I was reading part of The Screwtape Letters yesterday and it was talking about how God uses the hard time to come nearer to people. The book is written as a collection of letters from one demon, Screwtape, to his nephew Wormwood about how to lure a man away from God, whom he calls The Enemy. He talks about how God wants to preserve and give us free will, so oftentimes He'll in a sense "back off" and let us figure things out by ourselves, but that He may also speak to us more clearly in those times. Screwtape says that a man is truly lost to their cause when he can be in darkness, unable to see or hear or feel God, and still trust Him and put their confidence in Him. I've never really read a lot of the book so it was really interesting and so true. It made me think about my life a lot. I've never hit 'rock bottom' or whatnot and felt totally alone and depressed. This isn't an "I'm so awesome because I did what God said" either. It's...I don't know. I don't really have a plan as to what to write. I haven't totally learned the lesson yet, but I have and am learning to be confident with God's plans and God's timing, even when I have no idea what it is and even when I'm so frustrated. Like now. Ugh. Reading it was also interesting because I do feel like God is more distant now that I'm 'better' and definitely that I don't seek Him as much, which is definitely a problem. I'm working on it.
But back to my original point, life is great. It really is. Not like a fake great where really it sucks but I don't wan to announce that online or even a mediocre. There are things that aren't good and things/people that frustrate me, but there are a lot more that bring me joy, like hanging out and laughing with my sister and getting Taco Bell and sharing testimonies with an awesome girl I just met. I'm really excited for life and what God has in store.
Vaya con Dios.
Anyways, hmmm...life life life. Life right now is a lot of homework and interning. I'm at a group home about 20 minutes from my school and it's awesome and frustrating and challenging and great. I like going and I love the kids, but kids who've been neglected for the majority of their lives tend to act out more and act more immaturely than they should. I like most of the staff, but adjusting to three different staff groups with different opinions about me and what my role is can be confusing.
God is great too. I don't like the valley part of life and such, but learning the lesson is so great. I was reading part of The Screwtape Letters yesterday and it was talking about how God uses the hard time to come nearer to people. The book is written as a collection of letters from one demon, Screwtape, to his nephew Wormwood about how to lure a man away from God, whom he calls The Enemy. He talks about how God wants to preserve and give us free will, so oftentimes He'll in a sense "back off" and let us figure things out by ourselves, but that He may also speak to us more clearly in those times. Screwtape says that a man is truly lost to their cause when he can be in darkness, unable to see or hear or feel God, and still trust Him and put their confidence in Him. I've never really read a lot of the book so it was really interesting and so true. It made me think about my life a lot. I've never hit 'rock bottom' or whatnot and felt totally alone and depressed. This isn't an "I'm so awesome because I did what God said" either. It's...I don't know. I don't really have a plan as to what to write. I haven't totally learned the lesson yet, but I have and am learning to be confident with God's plans and God's timing, even when I have no idea what it is and even when I'm so frustrated. Like now. Ugh. Reading it was also interesting because I do feel like God is more distant now that I'm 'better' and definitely that I don't seek Him as much, which is definitely a problem. I'm working on it.
But back to my original point, life is great. It really is. Not like a fake great where really it sucks but I don't wan to announce that online or even a mediocre. There are things that aren't good and things/people that frustrate me, but there are a lot more that bring me joy, like hanging out and laughing with my sister and getting Taco Bell and sharing testimonies with an awesome girl I just met. I'm really excited for life and what God has in store.
Vaya con Dios.
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